The Beginning of the End

Soccer season has officially begun, which means my social life has essentially ended. Not that I have much of a social life as it is, but my days are now filled with training, games, fitness testing, bus rides, and smelly gear. It's the time of scoffing at the idea of cooking dinner after a long day and sore muscles after training keepers for an hour. It's devastating losses and glorious wins. It's what I live for, and I don't mind giving up so much of my time to be a part of something I'm so passionate about. Getting paid to do it is nice too :)

Some of the high school players and me on picture day

A lot of things have been going on in my life. I'm now the junior varsity coach at Findlay High School in addition to being a varsity assistant coach. This is my first real experience coaching 11v11 and I'm very excited about it. I am also the head coach of the U11 Gold and U12 White girls' soccer teams for Findlay Soccer Club, so I'm going to be coaching a lot of 8v8 this year as well! In addition, I have been hired on as a part time sports writer at the Fostoria Review Times and my first piece will be printed shortly, which is exciting. I guess it's time to put my little old college degree to some use! Finally, as many of you probably know if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, some friends and I started a company, Conscious Cakes, that sells gluten free, dairy free, vegan jar cakes on Etsy. We've officially been in operation for 6 months and it has been wonderful! Check out more on that on our Facebook or Etsy pages.

Last weekend I played in the alumni soccer game. One of the JV girls asked me that morning how old the oldest player in the game was going to be and I had the startling realization that I was going to be the oldest player on the field. That was crazy. Luckily one of my other classmates played too, so I may be older by 6 months but at least there were two of us representing the class of '07 out there!

The alumni team with the varsity players

With soccer season starting plus work I'm going to be crazy busy for the next three months, but I hope to keep everyone updated on the soccer seasons and how work is going! I'll try to remember to post a link to my article if it's available and hopefully have more pics from my teams to share in the coming weeks!

This Week's Five Things That Made Me Smile

I start so many blog posts that I never finish or that never see publication. They end up with me rambling and talking in circles or they get way too personal to post on the internet. Sometimes they start out with promise and then after two paragraphs I just don't see the point in finishing what I started saying. Sometimes I can't articulate what I want to say the right way, so I just don't try. I want my writing to mean something, and sometimes I think I focus too much on that instead of writing what's truly on my heart. I should write for me, not for other people. This is my blog, after all. But I also know that I am posting this online, not in my personal journal, so I am somewhat writing for the world (or my world, I suppose) to read. Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is that I'll hopefully write something meaningful sometime in the near future. Until then, I'm going to focus on things that are making me happy.

There's so much going on in the world and our lives. Every day we deal with stress, sadness, anger, and other negative things. I think sometimes we let these things overtake the things that we should feel blessed that we have. We focus so much on the bad and the ugly that we forget how much good we have too. So here we go again, here you have the things that made me smile this week.

1. My Bri got married! Ever since my first real conversation with this girl, I knew she would have an important and permanent place in my life. For much of my college career she was my spiritual rock. She was my church buddy and someone I went to for advice in so many aspects of my life. The first time I met Patrick I adored him. He was sweet and funny, and of course loved football! I got the call about her engagement and literally squealed with excitement. I was so excited to get to share in her wedding day, and everything was so fun and gorgeous. It was a long night for me, as I had to go to camp afterward (which resulted in my arriving at camp around 3am) but it was so worth it! I also got to see some friends I haven't seen in months or even years! It was a great night. Congrats, Bri and Patrick Coggins!

Me, Bri and Christy at the reception. A RallyCats reunion!

Barbie, whom I haven't seen in years, and I sat next to each other at the reception

2. Most people think my hair is naturally straight because that's typically how I wear it. However, my hair is naturally wavy/curly. If it isn't done properly, it gets super frizzy and crazy in what my mom and I call "Lion Head" because it looks like a crazy lion mane. I always used to hate my hair because it does crazy things, but I'm learning to embrace it and now that I have mastered how to properly style my hair naturally, I actually love wearing it wavy! Plus it helps in all this rainy and hot weather when my hair wants to crimp and wave if it's straightened.

This is my naturally wavy hair

3. Have I mentioned how much I love manicures? Oh, I have? Well, I do. And I gave myself a new one this week after much indecisiveness after camp. I love doing my own nails and trying fun things! This time I did water marbling, which I've done before, but I did it in some summery colors on two accent nails on each hand.

Mint Candy Apple with Tart Deco and Play Date marble, all by Essie

4. I feel very blessed to have an awesome sister-in-law. Lately a few people have brought it to my attention that I talk about Haley a lot and speak very highly of her. I told a friend that she reminded me of Haley the other day and she said "I'm taking that as a compliment because of the way you talk about her!" I thought about it and she's right. I absolutely love that when people ask me about my brother's wife I can truly say I love her and she's one of my best friends. I miss her a lot and New Orleans is a lot farther than Cincinnati so I won't get to see her as much, but it looks like I'll have to be making a trip to NOLA in the near future!

Haley and me at our friend Hillary's wedding two summers ago

At her rehearsal dinner

The day she became my sister-in-law!

5. I have a job that I love. Coaching soccer is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I don't make a lot of money, I put up with a lot of crap from kids and parents, I spend long days in the hot sun, and I give up my weekends and evenings to be with these kids. But I absolutely love what I do and I love these kids. The high school season starts this week with our first preseason tournament and my younger teams start in August, and I can't wait. I've already got practice plans running through my head and I'm ready to knock the ball around a little myself. Soccer season is the best season!

My three teams and me all together last fall

My Camp Week

Another week of Camp Otyokwah is in the books for me, as I just finished my 8th year on staff for the junior week. I lost my voice by Wednesday, slept in a sleeping bag in a bunk bed, had kids hanging off my limbs several times a day, sang ridiculous songs, ate camp food, and trudged through mud and rain every day, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world because I also had so many absolutely wonderful experiences.

One of the best parts of camp for me is seeing my camp family. Kevin and Kelly have been on staff with me for 7/8 years I've been here and took over as deans my 3rd year. This was their last year leading junior week and it has been very bittersweet for me. I love them like family and we have all gotten so close over the last few years that it was hard to see them go. Kevin, Kelly, Johnny and I have been staffing together for 7 years and it's sad to see it come to an end, but I know I'm not done at Camp Otyokwah yet, and hopefully Johnny isn't either!

Kelly, Kevin, me and Johnny at the end of camp

Speaking of Johnny, we first met 7 years ago during my first week on staff. We got close a couple years later and our friendship has been growing ever since. We joke that we are the survivors because we are the only two staff members left from that first year, but we really are survivors in a lot of ways. When we first met we were both in high school and life seemed pretty simple. Today we are both college graduates and have each been through some tough times, but we're still at camp and I think there's a reason for that. We laugh so much and make an awesome team, and I'm excited to see what next year has in store for us!

Johnny and me in '06 and then this summer. We've grown up some :)

Another awesome thing that happened at camp this year was that I met Johnny's little sister, Rachel. She joined the staff this year and we ended up being in the same cabin together. Within an hour of meeting her Sunday morning I knew I was going to like her a lot. By Tuesday we knew more about each other than most people would know in years. People didn't believe us when we told them we met literally two days before. We had such a fun week together both in our cabin with our girls and in our one on one time with each other. It was totally worth it to lose sleep those nights we stayed up after the kids went to bed so we could get to know each other. I feel very lucky to have gained another wonderful friend from my camp experience.

Oak 1 cabin moms on the last day of camp

The main goal of camp is to witness to the kids, of course. We spend every day teaching kids about the bible and the Christian lifestyle, leading bible groups, praying at vespers, leading devotions, singing Christian songs,  and answering questions about all kinds of things. Spending time with other staff members is a bonus. The last couple of years we have been so lucky to have a lot of fun staff members, and this year was no different. Friday night a few of us girls stayed up laughing, eating junk food, stargazing, talking, and generally just spending time together. We didn't get to bed until 5am but all the laughs and memories we have from that time make it totally worth it.

We're missing Kyrsten but here's most of the 5am crew: Rachel, Stacie, Emily and me

I turned my phone off Saturday night/Sunday morning when I got to camp and didn't turn it back on until the following Saturday. There's something very freeing about not being connected to technology and I sometimes wish I could just turn my phone off more, but unfortunately that's just not realistic these days. I've spent the last couple of days catching up on emails and phone calls (I had 250 emails and 7 voicemails when I turned my phone on...) as well as sleep. In addition to all that fun, Rachel and I both discovered Saturday night that both of our legs are covered in itchy bumps that we aren't sure what they are or where they came from. No one else seems to have them and they don't look like anything either of us has ever had before, so we've both also been drifting in and out of Benadryl induced sleep for the better part of the last two days.

I'm exhausted, sore, physically and mentally spent, itchy, and I still have no voice, but I'm already missing camp, especially all the kids and fellow staff. Less than a year until I get to go back again! Until then, hopefully some of us staff can visit each other in addition to keeping up on Facebook and via text. It's time for my next dose of Benadryl, so I'll end here for now. See you all soon!

Five More Things That Made Me Smile

1. This song. I absolutely love it. I tend to Shazam a lot of songs so I remember to put them on my Spotify playlists and I must have heard this song once and liked it. I was listening to music the other day and the song came on and I started to really listen to the lyrics. It has an awesome message and I fell in love with this band and immediately added a whole bunch more of their songs to my playlist!

Kutless - What Faith Can Do

2. Last Saturday I coached a bunch of my former players (and a couple new ones) in a 4v4 tournament. I love coaching these kids and we had a good time, even though it was super hot out!

Both teams and me before the games

3. On Monday, a friend texted me and said she had an extra ticket to the Boyz II Men, 98° and New Kids On The Block concert and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure, why not? We ended up having a blast and it was hilarious watching the guys do all their old boy band moves on stage! I have to say, some of them aged VERY nicely ;)

Top to Bottom: Boyz II Men, 98°, and New Kids On The Block

4. I went up to the quarry nearby with my friend Jen and we had a great time laying out, swimming, and just generally hanging out. (And she also let me do my laundry at her house. Thanks, Jen!) We had to leave the quarry a little earlier than we wanted to because of a crazy rainstorm, but afterwards the sun shining through the clouds was too beautiful to not capture!

The sunshine after the rain

5. On Saturday I get to see one of my favorite people get married! Bri was a rock for me all through college and I don't know what I would have done without her some days! She was always there for me when I needed a hug, some advice, spiritual help, a shoulder to cry on, and even once a floor to sleep on. She will be a beautiful bride I'm sure and I'm so excited to share the day with her!

And old but awesome picture of Bri and me at a UC football game

Five Things That Made Me Smile

Instead of writing something super prophetic today, I decided to keep it simple and just share some fun and awesome things from my life recently. So here you have it, the things that made me smile this week!

1. I volunteered at my church's Vacation Bible School for the first time this year and I had an absolute blast hanging out with my group of five little girls all week. The week went by way too fast in my opinion! I can only console myself with the fact that in a week and a day I leave for Camp Otyokwah for a week to staff junior week!

Four of the little ones

All five of my little girls!

2. Tomorrow I get to coach some of my little soccer players in a 4v4 tournament. I won't get to coach most of my kids again this year as some of them made different teams and I will be coaching different age groups, so I'm super excited to see them tomorrow! I'm taking two teams, one group from my youngest team and one from the older group of little ones. Plus we ordered some super cool t-shirts, so we'll be styling!

All three of my teams from the fall

3. New manicures. There is just something I find so fun about painting my nails. I don't wear a lot of jewelry and the stuff I do wear is very simple. I dress and do my hair and makeup pretty simply too, so doing fun things to my nails is always a fun way for me to show some personality. This week I went with a pale purple with a little bit of glitter!

essie play date with OPI Which is Witch? accent nail

4. I got to see some of my extended church "family" way more this week because of VBS and it was wonderful! I miss getting to see the Lehman's all the time, and once a week is barely cutting it for me! I loved talking with Rachael every day and seeing my little Kasen punk every evening when VBS was done. Getting hugs and kisses from that little dude will never get old, and my favorite thing is when he yells "I LUB YOU TIFFY!" 

Kasen and me after VBS

5. Last night my roomie and I had a campfire and made s'mores! It was comical watching her and her friend trying to light the fire but then we got it going (once I stepped in and used my old Girl Scout skills haha) and had an awesome time sitting around eating s'mores and just spending some time with each other. Campfires are one of my favorite things about summertime!

I build a darn good fire

It's been a pretty good week here! I'll try to post some more next week and I'll hopefully have some pictures of my girls from tomorrow! Next Saturday I get to see one of my best friends get married and then I'm off to camp for a week, so I'm sure I'll have lots to share after all of that! Have an awesome first day of summer!

Words Can Mean So Much

At one time in college I spent a couple weeks traveling to visit friends and on spring break. When I got back to my college home, I felt empty and lost. It didn't feel like home and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but there. I was homesick and also suffering from wanderlust. I literally wanted to be anywhere but there. Looking back, I know there are reasons why I felt like that at the time. But what really stuck with me from that experience isn't really about me, it's about the people around me. And here's why:

I was driving aimlessly around the city late one night after I got back from my trip, feeling lost and alone even though I loved my college and had a bunch of great friends there. I called one of my best friends and told him how scared I was that someplace that meant so much to me suddenly didn't feel like home anymore. I was afraid that I was somehow doing something wrong and I didn't know how I was going to finish my time there because I just felt so helpless. After I finished crying and freaking out, the phone went silent for a minute. Then my friend said one sentence that has stuck in my head all these years since.

"Maybe you're not there for you anymore."

It was like a slap in the face from reality. I was being incredibly selfish and superficial, freaking out about my "problems" and lamenting about how terrible I was feeling even though I had so many things to be grateful for. After hanging up with my friend and thinking about that one simple sentence, the message really hit me. All the people I've met in my life who have shaped who I am, whether they are still near and dear to me or I no longer speak to them for whatever reason, were there for a purpose. Each of those people has played a role in my life, big or small, good or bad. And I've done the same for them. (I hope.)

I spent five years in college and I got to do a lot of really awesome stuff. I was one of the first volunteer tour guides on campus and I gave campus tours to prospective students all five years I attended UC. I loved sharing the school I love with people. I joined RallyCats, became a committee chair, executive-at-large, a Vice President of Internal Affairs, and eventually the first (and, to date, only) female president of the organization. I met some of my best friends, stayed up way too late, went to three football bowl games, saw the basketball team play in the NCAA tournament, laughed, cried, lived, loved, lost and learned along the way. But none of that would be possible without all the people in my life.

I think a lot of times we forget to thank the people that contribute to our lives, big and small. I don't tell my best friends enough how much I love them and how blessed I feel to have them in my life. I don't thank my parents enough for giving me all the opportunities I've had in my life and for sacrificing so much so I could have the best life they could give me. I don't thank my brother enough for constantly pushing me to be better, to think faster, to try harder and for always having my back, even if he didn't voice it. I don't thank my mentors for showing me how to be a better person and being such good role models for my life. Most of all, I don't thank God enough for everything in my life, especially the tough lessons I've had to learn the hard way but that I've grown immensely from.

When my friend said that one sentence, I don't know if he realized that four or five years later it would still resonate with me. Maybe he said the first thing that popped into his head or maybe he knew those words would make an impact on my life. Whatever the reason, they're still there. Over the last few years I've tried to remember that as I've lived my life. I realized that the rest of my time in Cincinnati probably wasn't about me, but about the people whose lives I was a part of. Without those last few years I wouldn't have gotten close to my brother's WIFE (my brother got married last weekend, by the way! EEE!) whom I feel extremely privileged and lucky to call one of my best friends in addition to my sister-in-law. There are several friends I wouldn't have been close to or even been friends with at all had I not stuck around, and I like to think I've impacted their lives, just like they've impacted mine.

I don't know where my heart's home is right now. I'm happy where I am but I think I could be happy in a number of places. I'm taking my life one day at a time to see where I end up, and I think that's okay for now. In the meantime, I want to use my time to impact other people the way I've been impacted by so many others. I love being involved with coaching soccer at the youth level and knowing that I'm becoming a part of those kids' lives. I don't think they realize just how much they mean to me, but it's been an amazing experience that I wouldn't have gotten to have if several factors in my life hadn't led me back to my hometown. I've recently volunteered to help out with the youth group at my church and I'm continuing my work as a church camp counselor. By taking a step back from myself, I've realized that I love working with kids and I think that's what I'm being called to do. Hopefully this will all work out for me, but if not I'll learn from it and get stronger and move on.

I don't think I've met anyone my age who 100% knows what they want to do forever or where they're meant to be or how everything in their life will pan out. The hardest part is learning to accept that and be okay with not knowing right now. In this age of instant knowledge and gratification with the technology we have I think we've all become selfish and impatient. Sometimes it's okay to be unsure and I intend to make the best of it by doing whatever makes me happy for as long as I can. Who knows where I'll be tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I don't know if I have a lot of life left before me (I sure hope I do!) but I'm young and I want to make the best of every moment I have, whether I live until I'm 80 or not.

So here's to life and here's to you, all my friends, family and loved ones. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for whatever impact you've had on my life, big or small. My simple thanks will never be enough to really show my appreciation for what you've done in my life, but know that it matters to me. I hope I've impacted some of your lives even a fraction of how much you've meant to mine. Cheers.

Epic Writer's Block

I have a degree in journalism. At my very core I am a writer. I love the English language, both spoken and written, but I especially love being able to write. Sometimes I speak without thinking and it gets me in trouble, but with writing I can edit and delete and pretend I never wrote something before I show it to someone. I can't make someone un-hear something I've said. Since I graduated last June I haven't written much and I'm chalking it up to a huge case of writer's block.

A lot has changed for me over the last year. Details aside, last year was the Millennium Force of rollercoasters in my life. (If you don't understand that reference, go to Cedar Point. Now.) Ups, downs, twists and turns..it had them all. Last fall I bought myself a beautiful new black, leather bound journal and I've opened it and stared at the first page so many times but I just can't start writing. I'm not sure why I haven't been able to write because I feel like I have a lot to say. I just don't think I know quite how to put everything into words just yet.

I've read over some of my old blogs and journals and I always start out so strong, so hopeful that this time I'll really stick with it. Obviously I never did. I had a Xanga in high school (yikes) that I laugh at because the things I worried about were so ridiculous and dramatic. I had a blog for a couple years in college where I whined a lot about boys (sorry, guys). I blogged about sports for a while. My handwritten journals range in topic from religion to boys to friends and everything in between.

Maybe my problem is that I don't have a niche. I love so many things. I'm a soccer coach and would gladly spend most of my weekends coaching soccer games during the day. I love to watch football, hockey and basketball. I also love to read, do crafts, sew and bake. Sometimes I listen to really loud pop music and dance like a crazy person. Sometimes I listen to quiet piano music and reflect on life. I don't want to write about one thing forever. I don't want to fit into a niche. And maybe that's why I struggle so much.

I don't know if this problem is just me, but I have a similar problem with being an adult and trying to figure out the rest of my life. I can't see myself doing one thing forever, with the exception of coaching soccer. Unfortunately, soccer coaches make about enough money to cover travel expenses each season so that's hardly a lifetime profession for now. I get bored easily. I like to change things up. I am extremely restless and I have the attention span of a toddler most of the time. But I'm also a creature of habit. I buy the same products over and over because that's what I know or what my mom used. I am afraid to try new hairstyles or clothes because I don't know if it will work. I'm pretty much a mess of a contradiction. I make no sense, even to myself.

At the end of the day though, I like who I am. I've grown a lot and I'm still learning every day. I'm happy with most of what life has given me. I have an amazing family with two parents who are pretty cool and I am really close to, even now. My brother drives me insane but we always have each other's back. My soon to be sister-in-law is one of my best friends. I have some of the best friends in the whole world who have stuck by me, even when I tried to hide from life and basically cut everyone out of my life for a few months. They can make me smile and laugh and tell me to stop pitying myself and move on when the time is right.

Maybe this blog will last, and maybe it won't. Maybe I'll post often, maybe I'll forget about it. I'm done trying to plan and predict for the future, because if life has taught me anything it's that you can plan for life all you want, but nothing ever works out exactly how you envisioned it. So let go, have some faith, and jump in with both feet because life is waiting and all the time you spend sitting around "planning" is time you're losing out on making memories.

Looks like my writer's block might be over.

Tiff